Suicide Shift
by Leon Sage
Summary: Lucifer is causing a riot in Sam's head. And Sam is pushed to the edge.


"Saaaam… C'mon Sammmm, where ammmm I?", Lucifer teased. "Where am I, Sam? Where? In your head? In the room? In your personal little Hell? Where?"

"Shut UP", Sam shouted, waving the gun around. In the abandoned warehouse, no one was there to hear him anyway. "You're… you're not real!" Sam said, and fired another shot at Lucifer, but he just laughed and shook his head. "Sam, when will you understand? I'm real, just as real as your pain." He stalked towards Sam and came close to Sam's ear and whispered "You never left the cage Sam. You're still there, and deep down, you know it."

"NO" Sam screamed out, firing his gun in Lucifer's direction again, but all he hit was the wall behind. He was close to tears, he knew that this was killing him. he knew he wasn't going to last very much longer. He closed his eyes and willed his hallucinations away.

"Sammy?", a voice came from somewhere. Sam looked up, instantly recognizing the voice. "Dean…" he said and nearly crushed his brother in a hug. Dean was almost knocked to the ground by his brother, but hugged back. "It's okay, Sammy, I'm here now. I'm here" he said, stroking Sam's hair a little. "Dean, take me away. Please… take me away", Sam said, and broke down a little. Dean pushed Sam back a little and looked at him. "Sam, listen to me, you're… I don't know man, I don't think that I can live with this anymore. I… Can't take this. You. Cas. The Leviathan's, I just can't deal with all of this" he said.

Sam looked up at Dean with wide eyes. "D-Dean… What…" Sam started, but never finished, because Dean let out a laugh and the image melted and shifted into Lucifer's form. "Oh, Sam, you're so far gone, you don't even know what's real and what's not" Lucifer laughed at him. "You… BASTARD" Sam bellowed and shot Lucifer's form three times, but Lucifer just laughed even more. "Sam, I think we're past trying to shoot me."

Sam was furious. "How DARE you use Dean. How dare you!" Sam shouted at him, but Lucifer just shrugged. "Sam, Dean will tell you all these things one day, you know that right?" Sam simply stared at him, shell shocked. "N-no… No, he would never" Sam said, but he was unsure. Lucifer simply shook his head and said, "You think this isn't killing your brother? Sam, come on, have you not seen him lately? What with your angel butt buddy taking a vacation in Atlantis, and losing so much more before this, can't you see that you being like this is killing him?"

Lucifer started circling Sam, slowly, tauntingly. "Don't you see the way he's been looking at you, Sam? He doesn't know how to react to you anymore. he doesn't know whether you're his brother anymore. He doesn't touch you unless he has to, he doesn't kiss you anymore, he doesn't look you in the eye anymore." "Shut up", Sam said, closing his eyes. "You don't know anything." Lucifer chuckled and continued. "I don't KNOW anything, Sam? I know EVERYTHING. He doesn't love you anymore Sam, he doesn't know whether you're his brother anymore. He. Would. Hunt. You. Sam. He would put two in your head if he wasn't your brother."

Sam was trembling by now. He didn't know how else to fight. "He… loves me…", Sam whispered, barely audible. Lucifer stopped circling and looked Sam in the face. "Love, Sam? Is that what I heard you say? He doesn't LOVE you Sam, he PITIES you. And for that reason, he stuck around. You call THAT love, Sam? Really? Well, then, I love you SO much, Sam."

Sam couldn't take it anymore, everything he knew, everything he thought he knew anyway, was falling apart. He sank down onto his knee's, energy all but leaving him. the adrenaline was replaced by despair, unlike anything he had ever felt. With his father, which his mother, with Jess, with Cas… Nothing had come close to what he was feeling now. A pit darker than Hell and more painful than anything started to overwhelm him.

He looked up at Lucifer, now standing over him. "Please…" he began, "M-make it… stop." His tears were flowing freely now, wetting his face, falling onto his clothes, staining his shirt.

Lucifer bent down and took Sam's face in his hand. "You and I both know how to make this stop, Sam" he said. "You know how to end this", he said and pointed at the place just below his chin, curling his fingers into a gun shape. "One twitch of your finger, and it'll be all over. One squeeze, and you'll be with me."

Sam looked at Lucifer, eyes slowly dying, draining of all emotion but fear. "I… no", he said, pulling away from Lucifer. "Sam, don't you see that this Hell is worse than the one you're destined for? At least in the real Hell, you'll be able to do some of this to other people. I know who your enemies are, and they're there, waiting for your tender touch." Lucifer reached out and pulled Sam's arm towards him, yanking Sam closer. "You'll be my favorite Sam, just like last time. You remember, don't you, how you just loved it when I bent you every which way. How you cried out in pain and pleasure because of me?" he said, "Just end your suffering, and you'll be free. Freedom Sam, isn't that what you want? You want to stop Dean from worrying? You want to stop him hurting? Then do it."

Sam looked at Lucifer one more time before raising the gun slowly. This. Death. Maybe it was for the best. It would put Dean out of his misery, it would stop Bobby from worrying, it would end their misery. He felt the cool metal under his chin. He felt his breath tickle his finger that was on the trigger. All he had to do was squeeze. He shut his eyes and sighed slowly. "Dean…" he whispered.

Suddenly there was a pair of hands on him, yanking the gun away and backhanding him on the face. "SAM!" Dean yelled. He bent down and held his brother's shoulder's. "Sam! Hey, Sammy. Sammy, c'mon, snap out of it!" Dean shouted, shaking his brother a little. Sam slowly opened his eyes and saw the bright green discs that he loved so much. They were filled with fear, but also, relief. Sam breathed out slowly and pushed Dean away. "Get away from me, whatever you are. Stop… stop playing with me" he said, and turned away from Dean. Dean sat back and looked at Sam. Never had he pushed Dean away, no matter how far down the road he was, Sam had never pushed Dean away.

Dean wouldn't allow the hurt to show on his face, but he felt it. He put his hand on Sam's shoulder and said quietly, "Hey, Sammy, it's okay. I'm here. Remember me? Dean? Your big pain-in-the-ass brother?" But Sam shrugged him off and folded in on himself a little more. "Dean is gone. Everyone is gone. I'm in Hell, and you're not real", he said, his voice breaking a little at the last few words. Dean is taken aback with those last few words. He looks at his brother's back, the only thing he can see right now.

"Samm-…" "DON'T CALL ME THAT, LUCIFER" Sam screams out as Dean begins. Sam clutches his head with his hands and trembles a little. "Wh-…y? Why are you doing this to me? You've taken… everything, what more do you want?" Sam says through gritted teeth. Dean holds back. When did this get so bad? "Sam, he's not here, he's gone" Dean says, but Sam retaliates "I know he's gone, you bastard. You made it clear that Dean doesn't want me anymore, you made it clear that I'm only meant for you. You had me in Hell, and you want me again."

Dean's eyes widened. He knew what tortures go on in Hell, heck, he'd done almost all of them when he was there, but never, never had that happened. He didn't know that Lucifer raped Sam. He was angry. He wanted to rip Lucifer in half. He wanted to kick his ass all the way to Heaven so that the angels could smite him. But he kept it in, he forced himself to be calm.

Dean slowly neared Sam and put his weight on Sam, hugging his brother from behind. "Sam, I'm here" he said and just hugs Sam. Dean starts humming something. At first, Sam doesn't recognize it, but then, slowly, he does. _Hey Jude, don't make it bad…_ Then, only then does Sam know for sure that it's Dean. Really him, not an illusion. Lucifer would never know that song. Sam turns his head and looks at Dean. Dean looks down at Sam, a hint of tear in his eyes and smiles. "Hey, Sammy. Missed you" he says, and Sam can do nothing but hug Dean like he was an anchor, keeping Sam on the ground, in reality. Sam broke down in Dean's arms, not able to control himself anymore, and Dean just held onto him, whispering that everything was going to be okay, that he loved Sam, that he was going to fix Sam, that nothing would ever hurt him.

After a while, Sam calmed down and his breathing returned to normal. "He said… he told me that you didn't love me, that you're only here now because you pitied me", Sam whispered.

Dean looked down at his brother and frowned a little. "What, Lucifer said that? And… you believed him?" he asked. Sam didn't say anything, but Dean got the picture. "Ah, c'mon Sammy, demon's lie. And yeah, tell me that he's an archangel, but he created those lying scumbags which makes him the biggest one yet." Sam just nodded, but Dean was sure that he wasn't listening. He brought up his brother's face and looked at him and smiled a little. "Don't you listen to him Sammy. I love you. YOU. No one gets to tell you otherwise. It's you and me against the world, and that's how its gonna be. I promised you a long time ago that I would look out for you, and im not going back on my word."

Sam didn't really believe him entirely, but he nodded. He knew Dean wouldn't intentionally leave him. he knew that what he was going through scared Dean, but he also knew that without Dean, he would have really killed himself. He reached up and touched Dean's cheek, brushing a tear track away. "I love you, Dea." Dean closed his eyes and smiled a little. "I love you too, Sammy" he said, and bent down to press his lips against Sam's. Sam, in return, sighed and returned the kiss gratefully.

After a few more minutes, Sam's phone buzzed, and they were brought back to reality. He picked up the phone to Bobby's voice. "Sam, you and Dean better get over to Sioux Falls General. Stuff's gone to the hellhounds."


End file.
